He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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