I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
