Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
