I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
