my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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