You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
