I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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