There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sobbing to NWA
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
