I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
