So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
