Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.