Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now