oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
