if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
