Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
