Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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