He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
