Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize