Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
