4 words: hood of his car
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
