I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
