the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
