Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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