The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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