I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
