They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
