hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
