You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
