There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
