I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
