yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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