Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
