My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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