It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i think my cat just said my name.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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