Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
