Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
