Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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