She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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