It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
