You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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