True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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