A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
