I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
