filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
