A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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