matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hippo gnu deer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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