I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed