then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð