remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza