i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?