yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
