She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.