Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT