He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused