I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...