girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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