she smelled like a LAN party
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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