i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
