Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
