i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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