Even the bartender felt bad for me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
