Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
