it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
