dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
