I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
