hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
