I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
