is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
