Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
