we're chasing vodka with high fives
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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