Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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