I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
