I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
