Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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