I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
