fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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