I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
