we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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