I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
